Why Football is a Bad Game

This article is about the game of football as it is known in the UK. In some parts of the world this game is mysteriously known as “soccer”. I have no idea why that should be, but that's the way it is. I am a fan of many sports, including snooker, rugby union, cricket, tennis and golf. But I do not like football. Not one little bit. And here’s why.

The Game culture

The culture of the game seems to be that cheating is acceptable – even expected. You don’t have to look very far to see this happening. For example, when 2 players are chasing down the ball near the side line and it goes out of play, both players will always try to indicate to the referee that the throw in should be awarded to their team. Maybe there is some doubt, in which case they shouldn’t be indicating anything at all. Either that or it is clear whose throw in it should be, in which case one of them is cheating.

Another example is the so-called professional foul in which a player that is likely to score is deliberately fouled to stop them doing so. This may well result in a yellow or a red card and a free kick or penalty, but if the game were being played with integrity it wouldn’t happen in the first place

Compare this with some of the other sports I listed above. In snooker if the players accidently feathers the cue ball while addressing it they will call foul on themselves even if the referee has not spotted it. In golf a player will always penalize themselves for an infringement even though no spectator or referee will have been in a position to see it.

The Supporters

I once agreed to go along to a football match and I was shocked by the behaviour of the fans that I observed. Normal social etiquette is discarded – it is apparently acceptable to hurl abuse at the players or the fans of the opposing team. The behaviour is also remarkably infantile – the chanting and gesturing very like that of a schoolground bully.

Of course it is well known that this behaviour often descends into violence – fighting between rival fans both inside and outside the ground is not uncommon. You don’t see that at the cricket do you?

Also I cannot understand the concept of supporting (forever) a particular team. To me this is mindless stupidity. Often there is no explanation for why someone supports a particular team, but support it they do through thick and thin. No matter that over the years the players, managers and everyone associated with the club change. What is being supported is now a completely different entity, all that is left of what the fan started supporting is the name. It is not even sensible to claim support on the basis of national or regional pride. How many of the players of Manchester United do we think were brought up in Manchester… When I support a particular snooker player, or a golfer, I do so because I enjoy their particular style of play, not because of where they happen to live.

The Players

The players of top teams are paid an extraordinary amount of money. This turns them into egotistical prats, with an over-inflated idea of their own importance. They ponce around in their sports cars and their wives appear bikini-clad in celebrity magazines. It makes me want to vomit. You might be good at kicking a football, but we all know you are a cheat don’t we?

Goal Celebrations

For reasons best known to themselves, footballers seem to find it necessary to carry out inane displays after scoring a goal. This can range from running around the pitch with their shirt over their face, to performing some dance move or posture with a particular hidden meaning to those in the know. Of course, the meaning is not that well hidden – it means they are pillocks.

FIFA

FIFA - the governing body of football is currently being investigated by the FBI for allegations of fraud - in particular related to the World Cup bids by Russia and Qatar for the staging of the forthcoming world cups in 2018 and 2022.

There seems to be general surprise in the Media that this might be the case. To me there is no surprise whatsoever. In fact bribery and corruption are exactly the sorts of behaviours that I would expect to see in people intimately involved with football.

There was an article on the radio the other day in which the topic of “bungs” was discussed. The programme informed us that the word “bung” in this context is used in football to indicate a bribe.

Some ex-footballer was being interviewed and stated - “There is no such thing as bungs in football”. So why do you have your own particular vocabulary for it in that case?

The Managers

In the whole sorry business of the game of football, I do have some sympathy for the lot of the football manager. When the team is doing well and winning lots of games it seems to be the individual players that get the credit. But if things go wrong it is suddenly the managers fault, often resulting in them being sacked. Heaven forbid the suggestion that light has stopped shining out of the arse of any of the players. What a mad suggestion to imply that the defeat had anything to do with bad play by the actual participants in the game.

Conclusion

So, football, the beautiful game. Would someone care to explain to me exactly what is so beautiful about it?


Football


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